I can't come up with a good title for this, so here it is: i saw cats.

"ur thoughtz?"

At this point it's been two months since this travesty came out, and honestly no one gives a shit anymore, but I'm bored so here's a list of my real time thoughts I had while watching Cats...

(yes, I know this means I had my phone out to take notes in the theater which is a big No No, but can't you see I did this for u, forgive meeee)

1. Why so many human hands?: I literally have no idea whether the version I saw was the edited one or the original, but whatever I saw seemed to be riddled with terrifying error. Not to make any assumptions here but I'm feeling like cats shouldn't have human hands/feet/Judi Dench's wedding ring.

2. For a family movie this is unbelievably sexual: Is no one in London concerned by the hornyyyy ass cats flash mobbing about their city in the middle of the night.

3. "The Sizing of Cats": I'm not a cat person but they can't be this small in real life

4. If the Lobster and The Wire did a crossover: Stringer Bell chose to be a cat and was reincarnated as McCavity... that's what you get for killing Omar's man

5. For some reason this has me pondering what a live action Backyardagains would look like: Dope as fuck (TB to when I started the urban legend that Paul Dano was the voice of Austin) (Obviously in this remake Paul would be playing Austin)

6. Does having the hots for the grey cat make me a furry?: Also why didn't he get a song? Also Mistoffelees was hot too. ok.

for reference: my cat husband

7. If the Rockettes don't do a roach themed number next year I'll sue: please look this up

8. @ Jason Derulo: can we not do the accent, also "MIILLKKKK"

9. Macavity = Thanos: who's the better duster?

10. This movie feels very unhygienic: It's been a while since I watched this but I'm assuming this not refers to the fact that nasty ass stray cats were all up in peoples food and business

11. I'm discovering now that Midsommar has the same plot...: I would've paid extra to see the cats in Swedish peasant dresses

12. So cats have acrylics now: again I don't know which version I saw, but whichever one I did implies that within the universe of cats there is a feline nail tech out there somewhere.

13. Is this film an allegory for Heavens Gate?: Does getting to the heavyside layer consist of eating laced koolaid and wearing head to toe nike?

14. Grizabella is going full Viola Davis with the snot crying: Get em Annalise with that single line of nose tears!

15. The man next to me is fully snoring: I'd like to thank this man for making me realize how boring this movie was/ how tired I was and through his snores I was encouraged to take a cat nap

Sorry for how short this was, Cats was so bad that it wasn't even funny it was just straight up boring. And since there was no actual plot I had no conception to how close we were to the end which made it 10x worse.

Thank u.

Annnnd in case you were looking for a synopsis of the film, here it is in photographic form:

goodnight